Boys vs. Girls
The Cards We Hold

By Jennifer Bellendir

Dating is all about control. We always want it, we hate losing it and we so rarely have it. There’s a reason the complete control of a relationship is seldom putty in our hands. The game of dating, and yes it is a game and everyone plays it regardless of their claims, has a separation of powers to keep the game balanced and fair. Women and men control different aspects of the relationship and therefore keep the other in line. More specifically, women control the sex and men control the commitment. We dangle them over each other’s heads like a bone to a dog and we use them as leverage to get what we want. For example, any decent-looking woman can walk into a bar, walk up to any single man and say something along the lines of ‘I would like to take you home tonight, have sex and then never see you again’ and his keys would be out, bill paid, ready to go in 0.69 seconds. For guys, it’s not so easy. They have to work at it a little…or sometimes a lot. Because the majority of girls are not looking solely for sex, they’re looking for a commitment (men all around the world just cringed at the sound of that dreaded word). Even the minority of girls who say they’re happy single (and only 1% of them are being honest) won’t usually jump right into the sack for fear of being interpreted as promiscuous. A woman could be just as aroused as a man (and she usually is), but she will control that urge and make him put forth some effort first. He will usually take the bait and that’s how she will lure him into giving her what she wants. It sounds deceiving, but it’s all strategy and men are just as bad. Women don’t want to be alone. We don’t want to come home to an empty house, sleep in an empty bed, eat at an empty table and when we see something charmingly romantic and tears waver in our eyes, we want someone to give that super sappy smile to. Most of the women I meet are so eager to be in a relationship that they will often settle for a man below their standards because at the end of the day, they’re not alone. Just like women don’t have to work hard for sex; men don’t have to work hard to find a girl to commit. Of course we still want sex, but we want the commitment first. I’m not talking ‘I dos’ here, but rather the understanding that we’re not sharing body fluids with the blonde at the gym, the brunette from work and the red-head from the bar. Men know the power commitment holds and they keep it safe and guarded until they can use it to get what they want. In order for a relationship to work, one side will eventually have to surrender their weapon. This game of chase will often be frustrating, but these powers have the distinct purpose of balancing the relationship. When one learns how to use their weapon properly, the game will begin to play in their favor. It’s a tricky game and no one has the foolproof plan to win every time. But for those who usually breakeven or don’t even get on the board, the best advice I can give is to simply be honest. You can still play the game while being honest with what you want. Don’t be too eager to give up your control, but be clear about your intentions. When you find that person who makes you break all the rules, give up all your powers and yet you both feel like you’re winning that’s when the game ends and love begins.